Jan 7, 2008

See how unamused I is?

Author: Napoleon

Okays, the last fing I was talkings about was when we stayeds at Gwandma's house after the twamatic carwide. I meowled all nights. I stills didn't gets no food!
The morning times came and Momma cruewly shoveds me backs in the PTU. I is berry upsets by this!! I am meowlings for the whole 20 quillion minutes carride.
We awwived at this wittle place. Its waining outsides, but I is in a PTU so I don't get too wets. Then we has to wait a squillion years while woofies is bawking and hawassing me in my wittle blue carrier. I is not amused.I hiss ands lets them know who is the king of the world.
Thens comes the indiginaties and the horrible tortures! I is taken by my Momma into a tiny rooms. She takes me outs of the horrible little PTU (prisoner transport unit) and holds me. She petteds me and kwissings me, but that is only to soffens me up! This horrible little man sticks somfing up my bum!! OH MY! it was even colds!!
This ladys comes in and she is pettings me and she tells my Momma thats " all the techs will be so happy and pet him alot cause they really love siamese-mixes"
So, I is thinking...hmm, okays, this might noits be so bads after all. WELL! Momma hands me over to this lady!?! I can'ts believe it, Momma is weaving me here? UM, MOMMA??!! MEOWLE! MEOW! MEEEEOOOOOOWWWLLLE!!

I can hear her leavings me! But she doesn't come backs for a long long times! So they takes me back and the techs ooh and ahh over me, and trys to pets me...but I is not in the mood. I wants my Momma, and my brofur and my sistas!

Then the insidious techs stick me wif some truf serum! Now I knows what they wants, they want my secwet plans to take over the woirld! Oh, they finks they is so cunnings...but they shall not get my secwets. I has twained for this a long time and I don't tells them what theys want to know. I petwend I don'ts speak bean, I just meow pitifuls and eventually they leave me alones. I start to feel a wittle sweepy though...I fhinks I shall take a long naps....zzzzmeowzzzzz.

I wake from my long nap. I stwetch and I feel a little woozy. My excellents cooridinations is off. What was in fhat truf serum? I feel funny. I can'ts walk, my wegs are wobblys. My normally perfects eyesight is blurry, my mouf feels like someone dumpeded sawdust in its. I decide to rewax a bit more. After anofer hour and the techs comings in and out all the time I is finaly alones in my tiny metal prison. There is no foods in here, but a little tiny bits of water. I dwinks it and my mouf feels a wittle better. My tummy isn't in the moods for foods yet..but I is needing to use the witterbox soon. There is no witterbox?! um, TECHS!!??!! I needs a witterbox! I start to groom myself, hopings they will get the hints. I groom my beautiful face and body and thens...HEY WHAT THE...where are my dangly bits??? !!!OH THE HORRORS!! They stole my dangly bits!! I is so heartbroken. How cans I be a truely manly mancat wifout my dangly bits? Will my love Isis still love me? Well I knows she had a fling wif Dan, but I am sure she will comes back to me. Pehaps all is not lost. I is going to have to get back at Momma for leaving me wif these tortures theifs though. Oh and I STILL has to use a witterbox! I can'ts wait...uhoh, I is gonna have an accident!

Now they notice whats I was trying to tell thems. I stink now and am all yucky. The techs take me outs of the metal prison. Now they hose me off wif water!?! OH this is the worstest day eva!! I is dripping wets and too groggy to regroom myself. ewww. I still stinks a wittle bit. Now they is shoving me in the PTU and carrying me outs of the torture rooms. Wait, who is this? Its MOMMA!! Oh thank goodness, you are here to rescue me from these horrible peoples!! I begin meowling, quietly to let her know how unhappy I is.

Momma takes me away from that horrible place after giving them some green paper, I assume it was some form of ransom payment to get me back. I don't think she had to pay much, but I am sure it was worth it to rescue me. I is stinking up the car now, the techs said Momma can't bathe me till 10 days. So when we get backs to Grandmas house she puts me in the bathroom wif a witterbox and a bowl of water. I immedietly climb in the witterbox and pee alots more. WHEW! I feel betters, but I still stinky..the PTU is stinky, my spongebob blankie is stinky. Momma cleans everything but me. I is suppose to do that myself. But I is too sleepy, so she gets me a clean towel and I curl up.

Later I get around to cleanings myself up. I still not interested in food, but I drink a wittle bit of water. I is all coordinateds again. I am ready to go homes!!!
Finally after many many hours, Momma takes me home. When we finally gets there, Belle is on the front porch scweaming her head off. SHe is ready to come insides too! So we all four are reunited at the sames time. Belle and Hunter sniff noses. I sniff Raowr and then Belle then Hunter. Ok, I finks we is all here. I is going back to sweep....zzzmeowzzz...danglybits....zzzzzz...dasterdly feinds....zzzmeowzzzz


  1. Oh my poor ickle Mancat! You'z been abused and tortured, but at least you'z home now even iffen your danglybits has gone missin... Maybe iffen you'z look hard you'z might find 'em again?! Anyway I'z seen enough Mancat danglybits to last me at least a few months (oh ok Mummy nearly a year) - so I'z won't miss 'em! ;) You'z just lovely the way you are Napoleon - but no I'z a proper ladycat and not kissing your ouchy bits better! ;)


  2. I'z tagged you Napoleon so that you can think about something other than all the trauma you'z just stuffered...

  3. DAT SOWNDS AWFUL! I dunna tink I wansa be pokkded and pwodded eidder. An den dey steels yur dangly-bits? Dat sownds howwible. Yoo soo lukky yoo surviveded its.

    Huh? Wat yoo say Mommie? Wat yoo meens I finds owt soons too?